A Curious Christmas
Twelve unusual festive scenes
The Infinity of Lists is a curated collection of curious lists.
Season’s greetings from the Infinity of Lists!
And given it is that time of year, it felt only right to conjure up a curious Christmas list.
From the strange to the sublime, and encompassing feathers, gold, a surrealist nativity, demonic-looking panto horses, unusual woodwind instruments and generous portions of sherry, here are twelve festive snapshots, each with an Infinity of Lists spin on it.
So without further ado, on the first day of curious Christmas, my true and powerful love sent to me, a…
1. Partridge
Philip Birnie, 12 Days Of Christmas: A Partridge In A Pear Tree, 1988 (via Aberdeen Archives, Gallery and Museums)
“I shouldn’t be here! A ground nesting bird should not be in a treeeeee!”
On the second day of Christmas, my true love directed my attention toward the…
2. Roof
Elsie Barling, Christmas at Corfe Castle, Dorset, 1957 (copyright: the artist’s estate, via Dorset Natural History and Archaeological Society)
“Sorry, I don’t mean to pull focus, because yes, it’s very impressive how you’ve all managed to fit yourselves in that bush, especially you with your flugelhorn, but has anyone else noticed who’s up there on the roof?”
On the third day of Christmas, my true love spent the whole time putting up…
3. Decorations
Vanessa Bell, Christmas Decorations, c.1915 (via Yale Center for British Art)
“Yes, I’m afraid they want more feathers. They’re very insistent that the decorations should involve plumage from at least six actual geese—is that achievable in the timeframe?”
On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love leaned in close and whispered…
4. Whoops
Geertgen tot Sint Jans, Nativity at Night, 1490 (via The National Gallery)
NARRATOR: “Nobody knows why the crib was filled with gold paint. But it made quite a splash when Mary accidentally dropped baby J in it…”
On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love got really rather…
5. Tipsy
William A. G. Ward, A Little Bit Tipsy, Christmas Eve, 1996 (The Old Hoss), 1996 (copyright: the artist, via The Richmond Collection)
“So we started the evening down at the Nag’s Head, and George suggested we wreath it up, but clearly we didn’t have enough hats, so Nigel, he says, there’s a bunch of them in the back room of Taylor’s shoe shop, and we could let ourselves in, and so that’s what we do, and while we’re heading over there, Pete, he pulls out his accordion, because any excuse, am I right? And he starts banging out a a tune, and all the while Little Steve is complaining about how he cold he is, so Dave sticks a mask on him, and we’re passing around a hip flask, and rummaging around in the lost and found, and to cut a long story short, that’s how Mikey ended up dressed as a pantomime horse, with the rest of us crowded round him singing Fairytale of New York. Best Christmas Eve in years.”
On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love informed that our snowman was…
6. Melting
Victorian Christmas card, artist/date unknown
“Guys, I’m fine, it’s fine, it’s not a problem, it’s nothing to worry about, sure I’m melting, I’m melting quite a lot, my face is kind of melting off, but I just want to wish a ha-pp-y Christ-mas to youuuu, aaaarrrrghhhhhhh, waittttt, wherrre arrrrre yooou goi-nnnnng?”
On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love whipped out a…
7. Flageolet
Edward Burne-Jones, Angel Playing a Flageolet, 1878 (via National Museums Liverpool)
“You’re going to be an angel in the nativity they said. It’ll be easy, they said. We’ll provide the costume, they said. You just need to learn to play ‘Jingle Bells’ on the flageolet, they said. I’m sorry, the flageo-what?”
On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love’s head was full of…
8. Grand Designs
Giotto, Nativity, Birth of Jesus fresco, 1306 (via Wikimedia Commons, from the Scrovegni chapel)
“I mean, sure, we had all these big ideas about it being like a kind of fancy work pod, or maybe even a home gym, but after the money ran out, it ended up as pretty much just four wooden posts and a roof. So we thought we might as well rent it out on Airbnb, and to be honest, we were pretty surprised about how quickly it got snapped up. I think it really helped that we’re pretty flexible about pets. And angels.”
On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love produced a…
9. Fish?
Leonora Carrington, Nativity Triptych, 1989 (via Mutual Art)
“The thing is, it’s just very hard to cater for this many people, especially when they’ve all got such different dietary requirements, and then on top of everything else, the day before, you find out Gina is celiac, which no one thought to tell you earlier, and then you’re running around Asda trying to figure out what everyone can actually eat that’s big enough to cover that many portions and, well, um, this is what I ended up with…”
On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love admitted to feeling a little…
10. Old
William Ewart Lockhart, Old Father Christmas, 19th century (via Wikimedia Commons from Hunterian Museum and Art Gallery)
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“Who you - *hic* - calling old?”
On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love insisted on an all-night…
11. Party
Peter Howson, Christmas Party, 1982 (via Aberdeen Archives, Gallery and Museum)
“Just light my cigar, and we’ll never speak of this again.”
And by the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love was in a bit of a…
12. Grump
James Aitken, Christmas Time, 1858 (via Brighton & Hove Museums)
“Sure, Christmas is great. It’s fine. But could you maybe stop banging on about it?1 ”
Point taken. So one final indulgence—to wish you all a very merry and mysterious Christmas, and a happy New Year!—and then I will be done. The Infinity of Lists will be back in 2026.
“Yes, I am gathering holly, but that’s for my own entirely different purposes, thank you very much.”